Thursday, May 8, 2014

Signs that it's time to let go

Someone constantly expects you to be someone you’re not.

A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences.  So be cordial, but don’t completely change who you are for someone else simply because it’s what THEY want, or because it’s what THEY think is best for you.
If someone expects you to be someone you’re not, take a step back.  It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be someone else.  It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity.  It’s easier to fill an empty space in your life where somebody else used to be, than it is to fill the empty space within yourself where YOU used to be.
Secondly, 

A person’s actions don’t match their words.

Be wary of people who only tell you what you want to hear.  It’s so easy to believe someone when they’re telling you exactly what you want to hear, but you have to watch what they do too.  Actions speak louder than words – actions speak the whole truth.
Honestly, everybody deserves somebody who helps them look forward to tomorrow.  If someone has the opposite effect on you, because they are consistently inconsistent, and their actions never match up with their words, it might be a good time to let go.  It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.  In the end, true friendship is a promise made in the heart – silent, unwritten, unbreakable by distance, and unchangeable by time.  So don’t just listen to what your “friends” say; watch what they do over the long-term.  Your true friends will slowly reveal themselves
Thirdly, 

You have a habit of moping and feeling sorry for yourself.

If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.  Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice.  No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.  Negative thinking creates negative results.  Positive thinking creates positive results.  Period.  The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the “buts” you use today.  Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
Eventually you will realize that happiness is not the absence of problems, but simply the ability to deal well with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left. 
Also, 

You’re clutching tight to an easy-street mentality.

Great accomplishments aren’t easy; they’re worth it!  So forget how you feel and remember what you deserve.  Right NOW is always the best time to break out of your shell.  Chances must be taken, mistakes must be made, and lessons must be learned.
Someday you will look back on your life and realize that everything worthwhile you’ve ever accomplished initially challenged you.  And that is as it should be, because big challenges often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary success.  Every struggle arises for a reason – either for experience or as a lesson.  A great journey is never easy, and no dose of adversity along the way is ever a waste of time if you learn and grow from it.
Remember, an arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards, and such is life.  When life is pulling you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to eventually launch you forward in a positive direction.  So keep focusing, and keep aiming!
Another sign it's time to let go. 

You truly dislike your current situation.

In life, it’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb, rather than the top of the one you don’t.  So don’t let people who gave up on their goals talk you out of going after yours.  The best thing you can do in most situations is to follow your intuition.  Take risks.  Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen.  If you do, nothing good will ever happen.
In addition, realize that it’s not always about trying to fix something that’s broken either.  Sometimes it’s about starting over and creating something brand new.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.  Sometimes growing stronger means growing apart from old habits, relationships, and circumstances, and finding something different that truly moves you – something that gets you so excited you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning.  That’s what LIVING is all about.  Don’t just settle for the default settings in life, when you can customize absolutely everything. 
Finally, you catch yourself obsessing over, and living in, the past.
Holding on to what’s no longer there holds too many of us back.  Some of us spend the vast majority of our lives recounting the past and letting it steer the course of the present.  Don’t waste your time trying to live in another time and place.  Let it GO!  You must accept the end of something in order to build something new.  So close some old doors today.  Not because of pride, inability or egotism, but simply because you’ve entered each one of them in the past and realize that they lead to nowhere. Even after the toughest of times, eventually you will overcome the heartache, and forget the reasons you cried, and who caused the pain.  You will realize that the secret to happiness and freedom is not about control or revenge, but in letting things unfold naturally, and learning from your experiences over the course of time.  After all, what matters most is not the first, but the final chapter of your life, which unveils the details of how well you wrote your story.  So let go of the past, set yourself free, and open your mind to the possibility of a new beginning.
Now it's your turn, if you feel like you need to let go of something, but you haven't been able to do so,know that you are not alone in this.
Accepting what is, letting go, and moving on are skills that all of us must learn when facing the realities of life, but these are also skills that take time to master

Friday, May 2, 2014

From the voice within

When trying to influence your fellow guy or gurl, or the society at large, put aside what you want, your personal interest and consider what they want, and also show him how to get it. For example, you go fishing, right, you cant bait with strawberries, that's what you want, not what those fishes want. When you bait with worm or grasshopper, you see them fishes, flocking around, in so doing, you have achieved your aim and satisfied them. If you desire change, you need to stop thinking of what you want first, and ask what the other party involved wants and then show him how to get it. If I am to relate it with our present government, they have been using force, yet no positive result. Now the question is what do they want, the boko haram, and the ogas at the top behind it? So we can end these tragedies for good and have a better Nigeria, not sayin we should give them, but let's understand, what is it they want then we can have a head way. We are all seeking for peace and security. Let the different heads meet, then they discuss on the advantages and disadvantages with the men incharge of these cruel acts and see ways in which they can help one another, it might not sound like the best plan but it is something worth trying. God is forever there for His people and He would bring peace and protected us. Let's do our part, our girls need us to be strong and start thinking of a better way of doing things in this situation. Henry Ford said 'if there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from his angle as well as from you own' . This applies in every area of our lives. Unfortunately, 90 percent of people on this earth would ignore. I was telling maliq sometime pass, we sincerely need to pray against this selfish syndrome in us. It has eaten deep but there is always another chance to do better and to seek better results. Remember, we all have a common interest which is peace, unity and security. Owen D. Young said 'the man who can put himself in the place of other men, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what the future has in store for him'.

Dealing with the everyday human

The only way you can get anybody to do anything is by making the person want to do it. Sure,you can make a man to give you his rolex wrist watch by pointing a gun to his head, you can make a colleague cooperate with you by threatening to blackmail him or her, a boss can make his employees to cooperate with him by threatening to fire them, you can make a child do what you want by using a whip or threat. But these forceful methods or rather crude methods have a bad repercussion.The only way I can get you to do something is by giving you what you want. We all have different wants, almost every normal adult want good health, long life, food, sleep, security, to be rich, famous, sexual satisfaction, well being of their loved ones, and so many others. But there is one that we deeply crave for, so deep and that is the desire to be great, the desire to be important, the craving to be appreciated. Believe or not, we all crave for it. It is this craving, desire, 'ginger' as maliq would say, that makes one to achieve greatness and success in life. Not forgetting , this same 'ginger' lures many guys and girls into becoming immoral characters. The drive behind your cravings and desire to be great and important and the plans you make to get your result, is what determines your character, your personality. Ask yourself this question, ' How do you get your feeling of importance?' Some persons, most especially women, go the extreme just to have the feeling of being important in their relationship. Naturally, we women love attention but not to the extreme. Understanding your man comes in. True but weird, some people who are insane find in that insanity, a feeling of importance which they couldn't see in the world of reality. I call it 'The hard to please syndrome.' Some due to failed marriages, and other different societal hiccups.
We need to learn to nourish our self esteem and that of the persons around us. Give kind words of appreciation. It works for even the meanest and smartest of persons. I don't mean flatteries, they are far from being sincere. General Obregon's philosophy 'dont be afraid of the enemies who attack you, be afraid of the friends who flatter you'.
When you appreciate someone sincerely, the person gets to do things from his mind generously.

Soul Searching

So I am on the couch, reading and a thought came to me,'human interaction' yeah...we blame another rather than ourselves for virtually everything. For instance, a thief who murdered a person, hadly accepts his wrong, instead he would blame it on society or experiences. He would want to justify himself. Why is that? Cos of the selfish way of reasoning. Ok, take for instance, the insecurity issues we have in our country and the President plus the different parties, house of reps and senates, everyone keeps blaming them. Dont get me wrong, I never said the president and his associates are right, because sincerely speaking, I cant vouch for him, reason being that I dont know what sort of things they are involved in, I can only tell you that I get information from the news, newspapers, different opinions from persons around and social networking sites. But what I am trying to say here is, can we just think for a moment, who truly is to blame? Do not forget, we are Nigerians, we are responsible for our country, for each other. Lets stop blaming others but instead do a background check on our individual self. The change you seek starts from you, believe me and this applies to every area of your life. Everyone thinks for himself alone, the selfish syndrome. Criticism is futile because it puts a man on the defensive, and usually makes him strive to justify himself. When you criticise someone consistently, it is dangerous because it wounds the person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses his resentment. Our human nature makes us or the wrong doer in question, to blame everyone but himself. But remember, the person we are going to correct and criticize will probably justify himself and even blame you in return. Just deeply ponder on it. Even though you truly seek change either from the country, or your friends or one person really close to you that you are hoping for change from him or her, I am in favor of it but why not begin with yourself? Its more profitable than trying to improve others which is kinda dangerous. Dont you think? Browning said ' when a man's fight begins within himself, he is worth something'. It may take sometime to perfect yourself, then you can start the new year in seeking change. But start with yourself first! Confucius said 'dont complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof, when your own doorstep is unclean'. When dealing with people, let us remember that we are not dealing with creatures of logic but creatures of emotion, motivated by pride and vanity. It takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving. Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them, let's try to figure out why they do what they do and doing this, breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. God never judges a man until the end of his days.